Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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