my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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