do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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