I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize