Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Found your dick twin last night
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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