Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
