A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
