Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
