I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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