He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
