Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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