I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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