Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize