The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
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if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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