I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize