I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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