I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
