absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
