my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
