At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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