LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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