i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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