a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
