Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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