we made out on top of his cat.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
