thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
