Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
