my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
