I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
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