Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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