Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
