it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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