his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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