I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Come share oat with me in your robe
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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