brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
