I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
