Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
