pop tarts are not kleenex
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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