He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
