i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
