How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
