I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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