Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
