I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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