i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
