So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
