i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
