So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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