I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
