He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
im on a boat
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