well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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