They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
