I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You can't motorboat a personality
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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