Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
