ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
