that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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