'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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