The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
