I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
