Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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