I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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