I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
