at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
