you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
