i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
