I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
